you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
