Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk is not a location!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
