Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
