I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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