Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
