he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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