ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
