dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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