i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
