And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This baby is an asshole
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
