THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
