but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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