Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He felt like a one man threesome
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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