They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
