porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
