You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
