So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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