Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Mom said you looked used
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
