Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
