My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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