You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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