I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I met the friendliest cop last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
