Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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