i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
