all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
