I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
