well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
