we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
