The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she looked like the before picture.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
