Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
