i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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