Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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