Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
