We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
