Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
