We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
