Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
