Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
