Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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