A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
