I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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