Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
