11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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