We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
