I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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