I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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