So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
