So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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