you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
