I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
