My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
