he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
